Any ideas for stress relief?
February 25th, 2009 | by Anthony |Sir B’ Bobble Bottom VI asked:
Due to unforeseen circumstances, my wife recently sprawled out over my chambers after 9 months and one day carrying child. Then after allowing her to hold tight for another 45 minutes whilst I was watching a documentary on stick insects, she was rushed to hospital.
The doctors were fantastic, through all her screams and trauma, but through gritty determination and threats of violence, we made it.
Anyway, as a man of family values, and an abundance of emotional wealth, I decided to prevent post natal depression. In turn I have booked myself on a world cruise, and will return after several months. In the meantime my scatty wife would have finished ****** feeding and hopefully the infant has passed his teething problems. So I was wondering would a companion of some-kind be appropriate, I have considered my sister-in-law, but heaven forbid, I don’t want to tred on passed waters do I ?
CARYN
13 Responses to “Any ideas for stress relief?”
By Proud Mommy of 4 on Feb 26, 2009 | Reply
Are you serious?
Stick around and help raise your kid!
That is what MEN do.
The only companion she needs is you.
She did not get pregnant by herself, bad enough she had to do the 9 months alone the least you can do is help now.
By Lisa W on Mar 1, 2009 | Reply
LMAO You are a gentleman and a scholar
By babyya on Mar 4, 2009 | Reply
R u serious? U are a complete jerk!
By Marta S on Mar 7, 2009 | Reply
Keep it in the family, all safe.
By Construction Pig on Mar 10, 2009 | Reply
You have my vote. Enjoy and relax.
By Charity on Mar 10, 2009 | Reply
You are funny! Well, I say go! After the 7 months she will have divorced you and you will be free of most of the stress..except financial. Good luck…lol.
By jinglebells on Mar 14, 2009 | Reply
“…a man who can soothe a wailing infant with one hand, while rustling up a Victoria sponge with the other. He will be adept at first aid and finger painting, potty training and child psychology. Thanks to him, your baby will sleep through the night, eat its greens - and probably gain an early grasp of the offside rule.”
Get your wife one of these and you should find that the ear-bashing you are currently receiving should stop and all that scatty objection to your cruise plans should wane. You could pick up an exotic foreign stick insect for companionship on your travels. Why not bring the creature back home with you afterwards. Children like pets.
By bride's mom on Mar 15, 2009 | Reply
My dear Sir Blackadder, Wasn’t your sister-in-law also recently pregnant?If it is the same one, ou definitely don’t want to go anywhere with her - do you really need to add yet another screaming child to your household? How many is this now anyway? Or is this another sister-in-law?
In any case, I think it might be safer to take along one of your lovely ladies from the village - someone who will appreciate your charms but not put any family pressures on you - don’t want any tales to get back to your wife, you know. You also should not let your wife know of your travelling companion; just tell her you are off on an extended business trip. So many men do this today that she’ll never suspect anything!
And no matter what anyone tells you, you do deserve some time away. After all, listening to a screaming woman in labor & then a screaming child is absolutely exhausting. How could anyone expect you to hang around for more of that? Have a good trip!
By Sindy on Mar 16, 2009 | Reply
I charge rotter £5 for relief, selling myself a bit short i know, but it only takes minute.
By robert x on Mar 18, 2009 | Reply
If i were you blacky id slip anchor and then pick up a new companion somewhere down in the south seas where you will find some very nice accommodating women who will be only to happy to pander to Your every need. Then once you have spliced the main brace (whey hey! you can seek to add to your stress relieving activities by having dinner with the ships captain and generally being a good bloke .. Oh and don’t forget to fly the flag and keep a stiff upper lip should a serious storm at sea make you ill .. enjoy your travels and those south sea island girls …
By Lord Percy Fawcette-Smythe. on Mar 18, 2009 | Reply
Tricky question and no mistake, hmmm, what to do, well it is pretty obvious that you have to abandon the marital home, a chap can’t think straight with all the howling and blubbering and so forth, the child is even worse. Yes a jolly decent cruise till the noise dies down a bit, say about 2 years, the brat will be a little more quiet after that period of time no doubt. My yacht ‘The Lady Agatha’ is yours for the taking, just give me the word and I will have Captain Scrollocks up anchor and be away. She is, at the moment moored at Cannes, but Scrollocks will pick you up anywhere. I can engage Sindy to act as your personal assistant if you wish. My personal chef ‘Gilbert’ is rated Michelin 3 star and I keep a fine cellar, the Chateau Margaux 1932 is highly recomended. Caution on the Sherry, I think that the Gran Reserva San Bartolome 1882 is a little over rated.
By Scoundrel on Mar 18, 2009 | Reply
My dear Sir Blackadder Bobble Bottom VI, I have never heard such balderdash. With due respect, your wife is a pathetic wimp. All that fuss about having a baby? Babies just plop out. Methinks your wife is looking for undeserved sympathy. And why you treated her to medical treatment is beyond comprehension - no wonder you are stressed, sir.
May I suggest that on your world cruise you stop in Thailand and get yourself an extra wife who doesn’t complain on such trivial matters as giving birth.
By this claud 09 on Mar 21, 2009 | Reply
Hmmmm……… for £100.00 per hour, I would unselfishly venture out with your good self. I would sacrifice work and paying rent just to give you some of the relief you so deserve, and at such a small price….. what a saint am I….!
Which sun lotion would you advice me to take on our voyage through the oceans? I could bring a selection of stick insects to keep your good self entertained whilst making arrangements for the disposal of your nagging wife to a poor house for the next 18 years whereby you may be ready to employ your child as a butler or cook.
When are we boarding? Which glorious majestic ship did you say we would be crossing the oceans on? Did I hear you mutter the titanic?
Faithfully yours,
xx